Toys Galore

Verdict: kindermusic does wonder. After the first lesson two weeks ago, he decided that he should start walking after all since all the other girls in the class can do so. Lesson two - he picked up the concept of "finders keepers" and "ownership", refusing to give up toys to teacher or other kids. Lesson three- papa had a bad back, so maid went with him. Heard he enjoyed himself thoroughly and followed the teacher wherever she went - either he's a bootlicker or a realist - she's the one with the toys. Well, lesson two stuck with him and he decided that he would now hang on to other people's toys he liked regardless of who's at the other end. He did it to ah Yu, his 4 year old cousin, and I demanded that he lay off. He actually understood but followed up with wails and tears. His cousins pacified him, I totally bo-chap. Reckoned he better start to learn the concept of sharing - considering how many toys he has to himself now, and a baby brother is coming soon to share them. He had a bad dream that night - probably I was the monster.

Car-toon

Our hope for a child prodigy was dashed when baby en's first word was "k-ah". I knew it was coming when I noticed that his attention was often drawn by moving vehicles. So much for taking on mother nature to curb the masculine streak in him. His grandparents were quick to jump on the bandwagon, and bought him a green Little Tikes car we labeled Mercedes. It didn't help that they recoup their capital and even made a quick profit when the serial number on the receipt struck 4-D. In double quick time, en was the proud owner of the Mercs, two ride-ons (one was a farm buddy courtesy of his god-ma) and snazzy one walker parked in his garage. His green Mercs is still the envy of older kids in the neighbourhood. Grandma related an instance when one kid actually stepped out of his ride-on and came over to ogle at en's ride.

Well, we are not giving up. We signed him up for Kindermusik and he seemed to be enjoying it. Little girls are coming up to him while little boys are throwing balls at him. Not that he mind. Cross fingers. instruments and hog them.

LANGUAGE OF LOVE

This is a strange world. Well, at least for babies - these adult Singaporeans must be wierd. Picture this - two Chinese parents speaking to each other in Mandarin, and mum turned to his son and blurted in broken English "Keep quiet, guai guai eat food, don't pray with your food. Drink Orleng Jooce." What the *%$#. Why can't they just use Mandarin? Can't they speak to the child in a language they are comfortable in? My guess - they want to give their child a headstart in the working language in Singapore, an edge over others in school or at least make sure they don't fall behind. I believe children are like a sponges, they learn, adapt and assimilate quickly. Put them in London and they will speak with an English accent, in US "Wassup", in Aussie Land "G'day". Put them in kindergarten, they will pick up English from their friends and teachers. Teaching them broken English is not helping them. It will saturate these sponges and spoil them. Changing is more difficult than learning something new. Example, my parents in law, they cannot speak English well, but when they turn to speak to the little one, they use whatever limited English they know "En, come, sit", "Don't naughty" - hey that's what they teach at dog obedience school. We had to tell them sternly to use Mandarin - and they give us THE LOOK - it's as if we are asking them to speak French. Duh?! If you ask me, if the common language of the house is Mandarin - use it, if it's Cantonese - use it - why devise a second language for your child? Anyway, isn't it better for him or her anyway to pick up a mother tongue from young and be proficient in it? It actually gives them an edge later in life. I come from a family who uses a mixture of Mandarin and Hainanese (I cannot speak Hainanese well, but comprehend it quite ok), my parents speak good Mandarin, picked up Cantonese when I hang out with my cousins who spoke the language among themselves, Hokkien came naturally in army, I picked up English from school and friends. I'm effectively multi-lingual ha ha. Isn't that better? I definitely don't want my child to be banana, worse a banana who speaks rotten English.

IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW!

I visited a colleague who has just given birth to a baby boy. He's so cute, name's cool too - my favourite basketball star (and shoes) - Jordan. Side-track a bit, ever notice people always start debating on who the baby looks like. As if one can tell. I always try not to make that comparison. It offends the other party, and hell, I even have trouble identifying my son when he was in the hospital's nursery. I was goo goo -gaa gaa-ing with a bundle wrapped in blue, when it suddenly struck me that that bundle wasn't my son. Anyway, he or she better look like both mum an dad if its the end product of *ahem* biological synthesis. So likewise, Jordan is smart and clingy like all cute baby boy when he just popped out. Anyway, coming back to the subject, while I was watching the baby, I have this odd feeling of deja vu. It struck me that all the routine of rocking, graveyard shifts, the perculiar sounds made by the infant every 15 to 20 mins that stir you out of bed to check just so he/she is all right. You can debate all you want that it's just normal 'noise', but when the kid's yours, you will wake up anyway. HELP! This is a premonition of what's to come in a few months time, when I will be second time dad. Another colleague remarked that he knows someone who is having number eight - two doctors -well if they can afford it. But aren't doctors on call? How do they cope? They probably sling the baby while they do their rounds or operate - aka Grey Anatomy. Check back in 3 months time to see whether I'm still sane.

RAISING TWO BOYS - SOS!

Just finish this book. On the premise that I have utter disdain for books teaching me how to be a parent , I must say Biddulph did a pretty good job. At least I am convinced that boys need good role model in other men. As the only child, I was pretty weird as a boy. I talked to myself and amused myself by playing the hat, the dog, the car and shoe in Monopoly all at once. My two male cousins, much older than me, kinda broke me out of my shell once my parents moved one floor down from their apartment. I remember so wanting to be whatever they were - dressed like them, listened to the same music, read the same books, talked the same talk. Lucky they were good role models, and think I turn out better than without them in the picture at all. They are still role models to me. Now how to find that someone for my boys. I know I have to play a part, but my father tried to make time with me (at least I know he tries), but I'm still not that close to him (although in many ways, I am still like him). This is partly due to the fact that both my parents worked and I was like a nomad moving from house to house when I was a kid. Work is work, but I try hard to spend as much time with the boy as possible. Leaving him overnight with the nanny is out of the question for us. Still, to be safe, we decide to move to a place where good role models (male ones) are in abundance. Well, I hope we raise our boys well.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Bao-what? That's the question we have pondered over dinner, in the car, on the bed, watching TV over the last few months. What's in a name? A parent's hope for the child, their aspiration, their wish of what their child should be (or should not be) are all embedded in this identity that will follow the child for life. It doesn't help that our family follows a tight list of middle character to be used for sons closely, and we are left with only one character to play with out of three (minus surname too). And it so happen that my sons' middle is not so glam- 'Bao' (to protect).. it makes choosing the character that follows all the more challenging. Wife wants something manly and connotes success and vigour. I just want my child to be happy and have a good character. Well we can go with "Bao-bao" (baby), "Bao-bei" (my precious), but he will probably be a joke in school. Likewise, calling him "Bao-xi" (sure die), "Bao-le" (full), "Bao-tong" (sure to get stab), "Bao-jia" (sure to get eaten/ cheated ... and durian sellers slogan) is not very helpful either. Others like "Bao-yu", "Bao-ling" sounds girly. We had difficulties naming our first born "Bao-en" (en means grateful) which sounds not too bad, and now the second one - another boy - will have very limited choice. We have shortlisted "Bao-kai" (which connotes happiness/ victory - depending which character we use) but the shortcoming will be him being teased as "spend money" or "broke" in Hokkien. Others will be "Bao-xuan" (tall, with character and poise), "Bao-jing" (quell uprising - aka Guo Jing in Condor Heroes ha ha), "Bao-xun" (fragrance). I'm stuck. Think we will go to the fortune-teller to pick the most auspicious one. After that, we will debate over his English name. Any suggestions?

GROWING UP

The little one is growing up really fast, he's now edgy, want to do many things at one time, babbling non-stop, and wants to stand up once his little hands can find something to support. Curiousity directs his every movement, and he seems particularly interested in the most dangerous items in the house which includes metal knobs, wires, electric fan churning at full speed, etc. He watches the dog walk past with a cheeky grin, but Momo watches over him and adoringly licks his feet when she trot past. Once she licks his face, and he belch... probably over Momo's bad breath, that was really cute. But one thing I cannot stand is his "separation anxiety" - he wails whenever he enters a room full of stangers. He can't stand stares, and seems to prefer the female species over males. It's difficult bringing him to a party or gathering. Damn weird.

Dark Sunday

Just when you thought the lil' one is getting the routine right after months of deprived sleep, and you are feeling proud of yourself as you slip into the comfort zone, the whole family went back to the drawing board as we figure out how to cope with a sick baby. It all started one Sunday night, when the fever shot up and we realised that the stinking ear thermometer we have sucks. I went to buy another snazzy one that is easy to use, not knowing that regular (every 15 -30 mins to be exact) temperature-taking become the only thing on our mind for the next one week, coupled with wetting of forehead, bouts of bad tempers, coping with a baby that don't want to drink or eat, and scream till he lost his voice (and can only croak), and a general sense of guilt, helplessness and exasperation. We visited two docters, got the same diagnosis (viral) and instructed to wait out. Got more desperate when baby's temperature is as stable a seismograph plotting an earthquake, and our emotions racing across the spectrum of euphoria to depression and back. During this period, his favourite toy was the cheapest one we bought, a plasticky rattle of sort with a smiley face imprint that makes an irritating eee-ooor sound as you shake it. It's his only source of comfort during this period. And being responsible parent, my wife and me decide to go ahead with our holiday plans on the seventh day. Cool. Well we did call back, and in Bangkok, gave 100Baht to a half-blind lady cradling a visibly sick child wrapped in blankets and a wet towel on his forehead on a chilly wet evening. We could emphatise for one, and she was grateful and shocked. I pray for her and the child, and hope both boys (hers and mine) can get well soon. 

Baa-Baa

Sometimes, you dunno whether this is going a tat too fast. The little one has been talking to himself for two week or so now, alternating between "baas" (which I delude myself that he is calling me) and "maas" (mum?). Pretty chatty, talking in his bed, talking when he sits alone behind the car, laughing to himself - pretty amusing. Coming to 8 months, he looks like his almost one - what's up with babies nowadays - they all huge - they should start changing the baby clothes tag. I am buying clothes that say 12 -16 months since he was 6 months old. Wonder whether it's what he drinks (Similac) or what his parents eat? He's also sitting up on his own now - on baby chair, here's a pic of him at MacDonalds. The day he starts asking for fries... darn. 

TEETH IT!

The little guy is teething. Other than being cranky and grouchy, teething is not much an issue. But he has this little white spot that looks like an ulcer by his two front teeth. We were pretty worried. One pediatrician told us it was another tooth as it felt hard, but three teeth at one go? That's rare. Like all first-time super worried like hell about anything parents, we went for a second opinion - this time to a dentist. The tooth doc told us it was just cavity tissue, nothing to be worried about. Well you gotta trust a tooth expert on this.

GIMME MY MILK

Babies can really drink. At least mine can. At 3 weeks when he started to drink 4 ounces, we know we have a glutton in the making. Now that he is 5.5 months, yesterday he emptied one bottle of 7 ounces milk plus half a scoop of cereal. Everyone's impressed except my wallet. Yep, he's drinking Similac, one of the most expensive milk around and downing a big can every 2 weeks. Note that I have a babysitter, and i need to buy two of everything. That's double the price! Well at least he is growing fast physically and mentally. So much so that I think he is too smart for his age. We now call him the "Great Pretender", cos' that's what he does best - pretend to cry. He can pretend so hard that tears would trickle down. But break into a sly half smile when he finally got your attention. He tries it on everyone 'cept us, cos' he kinda knows that we dun buy it. Ha Ha. Why- cos' we have a dog that does the same thing i.e. pretend to whine and yelp in pain even before I try to punish her.

 

AH TU (AKA RABBIT)

This must be one of the best buys for En, his first security blankie with a rabbit head, aptly named "Ah Tu" (aka rabbit). When En was about 3 to 4 months or so, he would kick up a massive tantrum between the D-hour of 8 to 9pm. Nobody would believe us when we tell people so, until they see it for themselves. My parents went to the temple to get some charms to put under his bed, my father-in-law analysed En's room and drilled it down to a inauspicious painting. Well, we reckoned it could be due to sudden change of environment as that was also the time when we bring him home from the babysitter - so we bought him a security blankie so that there is always something familiar by his side when he go from place to place. It kinda work. There are many security blankie in the market, the most famous being Okie, a blankie with a knot for its head. I am not comfortable with Okie cos' it looks like, well, a ghost. Damn scary. So we bought one with rabbit head instead. Looks cute ain't it. The fantastically 'obiang' yet literal name was given by Ros, En's godma. Love it.

BABIES OF THE HOUSE

Over the 10 months of pregnancy, we had to fend off questions after questions about how pets and infants don't go, and we should get rid of Momo, the first baby of the house in case En suffer from asthma. It never ends. Today, people still gape at how En can "survive" with a dog at home. The only supportive people we encountered were other pet-lovers and an owner of a pet shop who claimed that mothers who have dogs will pass certain immunities to their infants. Well, being pet lovers, we tend to believe the latter group. Luckily we did. Momo proved to be a superb help - barking to alert us when En cries, and has a comforting presence when we are traumatised by En's antics! When En's cognitive skills developed, he started to have a keen interest in Momo, and eyeing her wherever she goes. Quite interesting. Well, we have two lovable babies at home :) 

BOTAK HEAD

We never had the intention to cut En's hair cos' he had lots of them when he was borned and they were brown and silky. However, when he started to pull his hair when he was about 3 months, they started to tangle up. Moreover, there were dry yellowish pigment on his scalp which we reckoned was cradle cap. According to our babysitter, shaving off the hair would be the most effective way to get rid of the cradle crap, so we had no choice but did it. We didn't bear to bring him to the hairdresser (luckily we didn't, apparently he wailed), so we got the babysitter to do it. We had a shock and a good laugh when she sent as a MMS of En without hair. It was prickly but after a while we found it quite cute. So for a while, he was ridiculed and nicknamed "Botak head" (Malay for bald). It also became obviuos that he was flat on one side of the head cos' that boy only sleep on one side! Anway, he thought it was fun (with all the burst of laughter when people sees him) and seemed more jovial without hair! Good thing is the cradle cap really disappeared soon after, cheaper than buying special shampoo for cradle cap.

Character Building

Feeding babies build character. You need patience, lots of patience. Baby En is difficult to feed nowadays, he keeps spitting milk thinking it is fun and cries when we try to feed him when all he wants to do is sleep.So it will be feed half an ounce, cry, pacify, feed again in that order. Doing it a few times, he will eventually feed, but this process will make your blood boil. I know better than give up before he finishes his milk. Experience has taught me that half fed baby will give you hell in the middle of the night i.e. he will wake up every one or two hours cos' he has a half empty stomach. So I would rather endure, be patient and make sure he slurp it all up.

2nd Trimester Getaway!

Well, it is no secret that 2nd trimester is the honeymoon period for mummies-to-be. So my wifey grab the chance to demand for a holiday. Well, might as well with the hectic schedule and bad moods. Thus we packed our bags (not too heavy and no backpacks!) and head for France to leech on our dear aunty and her family in Paris (love her!). Well, it was a great choice cos' my aunty took real good care of wifey, making sure she ate well and sleep well, and I don't go overboard with the walking and sightseeing. We attribute Baby En's good health, looks and fun demeanour to that fantastic trip. We stayed 3 weeks ... visited Paris (Lourve, Picasso museum, Parc Asterix), Bloir (Loire Valley), St Malo (Britanny - home of wifey's favourite crepes) and the famous Mont-St-Michel. It was great fun, good food, relaxing pace, good lodging (something she can't complain about now).. one of the best holidays. The only down side - faulty camera that churns out grainy photos.

Thus, all fathers - go for the hols - it's worth it. At least you won't get nagged, and making her happy during pregnancy save you a lot of trouble, grouses, complaints, flares during the term and after birth. And trust me, it will be sometime when u will travel abroad again (discount JB). But remember - it's meant to be a relaxing trip, not the travel groupies where u wake up at 5 a.m. and drive for 10 hours to see a lake type. Don't be too ambitious.

The Baby Book Curse

Many new parents are suckers for baby books. Like all men, I am not a fan of baby books and choose not to read them unless something crops up. During the 9 months of labour, this nonchalant attitude towards the discourse by baby knowledge thru' literature was interpreted as - well, nonchalent. I prefer ‘on-the-job’ practical training, and to-date I manage to survive without them. And baby books almost cost me my baby’s life. When baby En came back from the hospital, he had slight jaundice. Following strictly to the baby book, we decided not to feed him other liquids while my wife breastfed him despite protest from the confinement lady. Well, with no liquid intake to wash out the bilirubin, his jaundice rose to dangerous levels and he had to be admitted to the hospital on the 3rd night. We were so guilty. The nurse scolded us for not going on instincts, and said that baby books are written by and for “ang-mohs” (Caucasian mothers) who naturally have a ready source of breast milk than Asian mothers. Well, the baby book should have disclaimer! Photo by Attitude Photography

THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT

 

Ok, ever had trouble with feeding your baby at night, when he just wanna sleep and don't want to be fed! The poor soul who wake up so dutifully to ensure that this little thing is fed is met with a stone wall, a mouth that refuses to suckle the damn teat! Well, there is no short cut. The only solution is patience and lots of love. My ammo - a cup with hot water to keep the milk warm (a warmer would be nice), the baby's pacifier - to plug his wails so that the wifey is not woken up, the hanky - in case he regurgitate from all that wailing and lotsa of stamina. Basically, when he starts the cry engine while feeding, insert the pacifier (or thumb if you don't use pacifier - which i don't know why). Pat him until he enters the "daze mode" and then try to insert the teat again... sooner or later the baby will give up and slowly suckle till he sleeps or while he sleeps! And I promise, this will improve with time... send me a email if u got problem :) I have lotsa experience with difficult baby, mine is defintely one.  Photo by Attitude Photography

Love Eric!

 

I must mention - all these nice and arty photos are from my very good friend, the ever young, bubbly and nice Eric Er of Attitude Photography.This fantastic photo was a one-take masterpiece, when the baby was wailing cos' we woke him up in our attempt to put him in this position. This pic is ideal for the toilet, and no pun intended. It is a MASTERPIECE!  Photo by Attitude Photography

Raising Baby - Raising Dog

What I said in the intro, about the similarities between rearing dog and raising child will indeed insult the throngs of parents who swear by the different versions of baby books in the market today. I still stand by what I say - look around you - the "shut up", "stop shouting (barking)", "sit down", "let's go", "stop", "don't pee there!", "eat properly" people use on their child is no different from what you hear at any dog obedience class. Nevertheless... there is something different about a child, your child - the sense of bonding. Can never forget the first day he was born, me lying alone in bed (wifey in hospital), thinking - wow, i have a child - that feeling is difficult to put into words, but if i need to describe it, it would have been "magical" and "breathless"!

Photo by Attitude Photography